this all happened before 8:30 am

This morning on my way to work a man apologized to me for being black.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I was almost to my internship when I noticed a man who looked terribly upset walking toward me. As we approached one another, he said "excuse me, miss" and I prepared myself for a typical encounter with someone on the street in Uptown; the same kind I've been having since arriving here in August and the kind that I know exactly how to handle.

But this man wasn't the same.

As he began he said, "I'm sorry that I'm black and you're a beautiful white woman. I know you're not racist...but people are tired of helpin' out black guys... you see.. I wouldn't ask..but my mom just died and I really need to get to Rockford. I'm sorry to ask, but can you please help me?" 

Heartbreak.

There is no need for this man to apologize for being black, but people's actions teach him that there is. There is no need for this man to apologize for being black, but society tells him that there is. There is no need for this man to apologize for being black, but he's been taught that's what 'someone like me' would need to hear to lend him a hand.

Heartbreak.

And what is my roll in this as a white woman? What can I do to stop this madness? to prevent another generation from feeling like this man feels? to make sure that our society reflects the fact that we're all children of God?

I didn't have anything to hand to this man on the street today, but I could have told him he didn't need to apologize for being black. I should have told him that, but full of shock and overflowing with emotions, I bumbled through the interaction like someone who has never even seen a homeless person before. I staggered and stammered and apologized for not having anything to offer. When I finally got inside to my desk, I sat down and stared at my blank computer screen. How did that happen? How did I handle that so so sooo poorly? How am I so shockable? After a few minutes passed, I went back outside to look for the man, but he was gone.

Instead of going directly back to my desk, I crossed the street to get a drink from the corner store. I picked up a bottle of juice and walked to the front of the store to checkout. As I did this, a man in a wheelchair entered the store and selected a drink from the cooler. I put my juice on the counter only to find that the owner of the store wouldn't accept my card because my juice was only $1. Not wanting anything else, I asked the man if I could buy his drink for him. He agreed and I admit, I happily thought 'at least I can do one helpful thing today.' But as fate would have it, I misunderstood the owner. $2 was still not enough for me to use my card. I needed a total of $8 to use my card. As I stood in the corner store cashless and defeated in my experiences of the morning, the man in the wheelchair said, "How much is your drink? a dollar? Let me buy it for you. You were going to do it for me, so now I'm going to do it for you." This man, who I now know as my friend Bryan, had been panhandling down the street from the store. I noticed him when I entered the store. Instead of hoarding his money, he offered it to me - a girl lost in a morning of seeming defeats. Bryan reminded that we all need each another. Bryan and I are both Uptown residents so I'm sure I'll see him around again. I hope I get another chance to say thank you to him for buying my juice and even more, for lifting my spirits on a tough morning.

We need each other.